RAISING CHILDREN, TEENAGERS...
OUR TARGET is..
• That they live as children of God and
• even in a completely unbelieving environment, they can influence their environment, and they are not negatively influenced by an unbelieving environment
Biblical example:
Naaman was the commander of the Syrian army, had leprosy and his servant was a Hebrew child. So this little girl lived in a foreign country and served a very powerful man. (2 Kings 5) Yet she dared to tell Naaman that there is a healer in Israel: God. And His servant is a prophet. She was not afraid to talk about her faith. Thus, God brought repentance and healing to Naaman's life – using this believing child!!! God can also use our children for amazing things.
The child needs to learn to distinguish between good and bad. Understand why bad is bad and be able to choose good with the power of God.
WHEN DO WE START PARENTING?
- Before a problem arises, the child must be prepared for it. Don't wait for him/her to start doing bad things, e.g. dating, smoking.
- in the womb! – he/she feels the caress, knows the mother's voice, her singing, the Holy Spirit.
- Actually during/before pregnancy, when parents are preparing for the task in their hearts.
FINANCES
Don't worry about money. You are raising the children of God, who takes care of His own as a Father. People say that in today's world you should not have more than 1-2 children, because it is difficult to make a living. But our Heavenly Father, if we trust Him, blesses us all the more - for raising Him many children.
JOY OR BURDEN?
Psalm 127, 3.
A child is a blessing, a reward, a joy.
Not a problem.
GOD-CENTERED MINDSET
Let's not become child-centered, obsessed with our babies! Let's remain God-centered during parenting. It should not be us who adapt to the child. It is the baby who entered our lives, not the other way round! This is how our lives stay balanced.
For example, you don't have to walk on your tiptoes when the child is sleeping. The father should not be forced into the role of nanny, we should not neglect sex, but the husband should feel that he is the most important for us (after God). He is the one who always stays with the wife, and the child is staying only for a period.
BEING BORN AGAIN
Our most important goal is that the child finds faith in Jesus. It is more important than piano lessons and football training. If we dedicate time to these programs, how much more important it is to have time for meaningful conversations, so that the child gets to know the Living God and gets saved.
When do we start teaching the child the Word?
Paul writes to Timothy: You have known the scriptures since childhood. 2 Tim 3, 15.
But the original Greek word means that you have known the Word since you were a fetus! So when you are carrying the child in your womb, you can sing biblical songs to him/her, you can say words and blessings to him/her.
You can take him/her to church from an early age, so we get him/her used to it so that he/she feels at home there.
How to teach them to believe?
We teach not only with our words, but also with our actions. They say that a child learns 30% from our words, but 70% from our actions. It is dangerous if we are holy only in church, but there are quarrels at home and we are not honest in life - in small and big things. (For example, we don't tell the cashier if he gives back more change than necessary.) Because later the child may draw the false conclusion that faith is hypocrisy.
You can say this confession: My child welcomes God's touch and approach, and is developing a personal relationship with God.
ROMANTIC LOVE
Talk about it from preschool age. There is "nursery school love", and children fall in love with someone else every week, because they don't even understand what love is.
Explain that love is for a lifetime, faithfulness, affection, joy, knowing each other. Or in children's language: Love is how your father loves your mother.
A teenage girl can ask her parent:
Can I date him? How many boys can I date?
Answer: How many hearts do you have, my child? How many boys do you want to give your heart to?
Talk about everyday topics based on the Word. Turn their whole life and everyday situations into a classroom.
PRAYER, READING THE BIBLE
When children are still small, they can repeat a prayer after the parent.
Then later we can ask: What can we give thanks for today? The answer is a prayer itself.
Use the illustrated Bible at an early age, so that they get to know the Bible stories first.
You can draw the stories on paper.
Later you can talk about the stories.
DISCIPLINE
Proverbs 13, 24. "He who keeps his rod, hates his son; and he who loves him will seek him with chastisement."
Discipline in love. Not with our hands, because the hand symbolizes blessing, giving.
Don't hit the child's head, just the bottom.
The children must know that all this is not against them, but for them. There must be comfort and reconciliation afterwards.
When should we use physical punishment?
Proverbs 22. 15. "Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of correction will drive it far from him" NKJV
The original Hebrew also says that foolishness is bound to the heart of a child. Foolishness and unbelief are often mentioned together in the Bible. Therefore, chastisement is also important so that foolishness is not attached to the child's heart, but that the child can freely connect with God. Where there is no discipline, the child's path to Christ becomes difficult.
Don't be sorry to discipline your beloved child, because it is better for the child to receive a spanking from you than to be hit by a car later because he/she did not listen to you.
But don't beat the child for every little thing.
It's also not a good way to keep saying, "Next time you do this, I'll spank you!" Be consistent or they won't learn discipline.
If you've already said "no" to something, don't change your mind!
Don't spank teenagers.
You can spank a younger child if you have already warned them before (twice). Possible reasons for spanking: throwing a fit, if they are disrespectful, if they lied.
Biblical example: Adonijah had never been punished by King David -> he rebelled against his own father and took his throne!
SAYING "NO"
If children experience what it is like to be told "no", they will also be able to say "no" later in life in situations where this is necessary. They need to learn to reject bad things, so that they cannot be used and controlled by bad people!
When they are learning to obey their parents, they are also learning the willingness and ability to obey God.
GOOD MANNERS
Children need to learn to say: please, thank you, good morning…, I am sorry.
TEENAGERS
It is natural that friends come to the foreground during this period, but you can tell your teenage child this: Most friends come and go, but I will always be there for you. If you get into trouble, I'll stand by you and help you get out of it.
This is important so that they will not be afraid to turn to you - if they are in trouble.
Me-time
It is important to regularly have "me time" that you spend only with them. For girls, it can be a conversation in their favorite places, e.g. in a pastry shop. Boys prefer joint programs, sports, and trips to conversation.
They can be active in church as a teenager, it helps them use their energy, focus their attention, and grow in strength.
Help them grow stronger in who they are in Christ. They are to have a strong place and bond in the family so that they know they belong here and if they get disappointed elsewhere, they can turn here.
Encourage them regularly in what they are good at, what they like.
Menstruation:
Prepare them in advance for it, tell them that it's not a bad thing, there's no need to be fussy and go through pain. Say: Menstruation is because you will have children later.
Friends:
Know where they are going, with whom they spend time, know their friends! Don't let them go out with a stranger. Insist that they must come home at the time agreed. If they're late, there should be consequences.
Facebook:
You can allow them to surf the Internet, but reserve the right to look into their conversations at any time, Google searches, and what movies they watch. You don't need to check it all the time, just 1-2 times a year, or when you see that the child has changed.
For example, this story happened: The child's personality was distorted - because of bad movies/bad Facebook conversations. Then the parents looked into the Internet activities and saw that she was watching bad movies and having silly conversations with friends: they noticed gossip, meaningless chatting. Therefore, the parents regulated how much she could use the laptop/phone - and only in front of them. In the meantime, of course, they compensated the child with a program that she liked. After all, we don't just take away, we also give! And in a few weeks, the child recovered, and the relatives commented on how nice she behaved.
Teenage love:
Why is this important to them? Because they want unshared attention, they want an emotional connection and for someone to devote time to them in such a way that the person puts aside all other programs for them! – But if parents give this to their children, they will not unnecessarily get involved in relationships that can end in disappointment.
sex
Don't make the topic cheesy. If the parent can talk about it without batting an eye, then the child will also dare to ask.
When should we talk about it? Early. Because even an 8-10-year-old child can hear something like this at school: "Whoah, sex is disgusting and hurts!" So the foundations must be laid before that, that sex is good, it is for marriage, it happens between a man and a woman and it is a gift from God.
As for homosexuals: Teach the child that homosexuals too must be accepted, but what they do is not according to God and has bad consequences.
Discipline:
You can no longer beat them, but you can take away something they like - as punishment. But don't take away going to church or sports! Do not let them associate church fellowship with the concept of punishment.
Adult "child"
He/she is already independent, he/she should be allowed to make their own decisions. Even if you don't agree with them, be by their side and you can tell them all this.
You don't have to stick to regular joint programs if you can't make it. E.g. to a joint lunch.
If they don't ask for advice, don't give any. But if you have a good relationship with them, they will ask you for your opinion.
If they live at home and work, they should contribute to household expenses. They are supposed to take part in the housework, but they don't need to get paid for it. If they help more than expected, they can get a reward. If you financed their driver's license, they should help the parents by driving somebody to places sometimes.
If they live in their parent's house, they cannot bring anyone there at any time. "My house, my rules."
With all of this, we help them to become an adult who makes independent decisions, treats people fairly and knows how to handle money responsibly and honestly. They become adults who participate in housework and walk in love.
I wrote this article on the basis of a Hungarian speaking lady: Patrícia Szokalopulosz, a pastor's wife.